For this one, I am counting down

but before that, the pictures are all gone  so, I am going back on Saturday and take with everyone again[of all the days, damei must go back to sarawak now!! argh!!! It's okay, will take with her during the Singapore Airshow period] cos I know I will regret it if I don’t do it. Not to mention the fact that it had been haunting me during the past few days. And will take some more during the time I come back to help out for Singapore Airshow I will miss those guys cos it is my first kitchen, and they’ve taught me tons of things. Hopefully, I can go back and work someday.

SWITZERLAND!!! more specifically, OUR CHALET, OEY, ADELBODEN!!! I am excited!!! So, there are the 6 of us, Stefanie and Carly are from the US, Eve and Rachael from UK and Karin is from Sweden. And they’ve sent us the 5 weeks countdown e-mail, which I only received when I got back from Jakarta. I was like, 5 weeks? soo fast meh? We’ve done things the modern ways and added each other on fb, to talk and stalk before meeting in person at the end of February. On the other hand, my packing list is growing by the day. And being[almost]Singaporean, I am very kiasu, packing everything! But the thing is, in the e-mail, they say to pack light and smart. but how?? I’ve got lots of food to bring over[I need all the keropok, sambal and chilli I can get my hands on] and about a million other things, like sleeping bag and all that winter wear[which I either need to borrow or dig out from somewhere, someplace in my house]. Looking at it, I maybe the only one who needs to borrow stuff cos the rest come from countries with 4 seasons and they will have their winter gears.

On the “to-do” list that Val gave me, I’m only left with my travel insurance,German phases and the itinerary. But knowing her, it’s only part 1, there is still lots to do. Like, buying the badges and souvenirs for SWAPs[and I think I can get some stuff from Ms J for that.haha]. Thank god the whole gang +Yimin is helping me! Cos they went to Our Chalet before so they are the right people to be bombed with questions with!

Anyhow, February will zoom by[hopefully] with Singapore Airshow[ 1 week back in kitchen! AWESOME!], YABC meetings and YA induction&ROP. And before you know it, I AM OFF!!! to an adventure of a lifetime  

You know they say travel as much, and as far away as you can while you are young? that’s what I am doing. 

Of course, I will be doing pastry “research” while I am over there. If only I can continue on staying and finding a job as a pastry commis cook there. Totally wouldn’t mind

off to bed! almost 5am! ahh!!!

And somehow, I found myself walking back to GWP after work. I don’t know, for some odd reason, I don’t want to forget their faces. Also, for some funny reason, I almost got emo but there was also this feeling of happiness and delight when I saw them. And relief. Maybe cos Marriot is a strange place so going back to GWP is like going back to home base. There was the usual “wah! you very free arh!” coming from damei and “what are you doing now?” coming from the rest. Told them about the pineapple tarts and lo and behold! Jessica used to work there for 7 years before moving to GWP and she knows Richard(Marriot’s CDP, who happens to be indon)! gosh!such a small world! Now I know why Chef lynn say that the singapore pastry world is small. And she ask me to say hi to him for her on Sunday.LOL. But the most amazing thing is that, Chef ask me to come back[and I think Nat and Shumin too] to come back and help out during the Singapore airshow[so had to reject the service side] cos at that time, there will be no more trainees. I was WHAT? cos in his eyes, I have alot to improve on and he still want me to come back.

But still, an amazing day. And my heart is at ease knowing those guys are still well.

On a much brighter note, I went to help ah rong out at Marriot cos they needed to finish 3K worth of pineapple tarts. Their dressing rooms, recreation rooms and dining area were all much better than GWP but I like my kitchen more. hehe. Cos we have bigger tables, more ovens and bigger chiller + freezer. Not to mention having the durian kitchen as back-up space over the off season. All I did today was stamping out the pineapple tart shells. And it reminded me alot of doing the HSBC cookies. But in my opinion, I think the HSBC cookies are much more harder cos the shape have to be perfect[or you will get screamed at, like I did]. 2 people scope out the pineapple filling and shape it into a ball and 2 people did the stamping. Then I remembered Jessica’s advice on people showing you a way to do things, then from there, find a way to do things which you think is the most efficient for you. man, that definitely helped! I guess that 6 months of nagging, screaming and scolding from my GWP pastry crew wasn’t for nothing[I can imagine them saying, of course!]. hahaha. And I think I am turning into them[which is a good thing, btw]  in the case of doing this efficiently. Working in Marriot’s kitchen makes me miss GWP alot,in terms of kitchen and people. Also, make me extremely grateful for everything that I had. There is nothing like a little perspective to make you feel grateful.

But,I’ve been thinking about my dear swimming pool(shumin),nat,lynn,damei,xiaodi,chern shen,jessica,chef alvin and jia ching. I miss listening to their crap nonsense and singing early in the morning. I miss the good food we have for lunch(most of the time),the food that Lynn manages to kapok from GG,our mee hoon kueh and our late night dinners of instant noodles.

On reflection,our kitchen is like a “family” kitchen,cos there is soo little of us.so,everyone is mainly on good terms.and they treat trainees like their “kids”.which result in them treating us in almost all our kitchen dinners.its their way of taking care of us.haha.and I think they feel bad about our measly pay too.hahaha.

Having nothing to do for the past week had given me alot of time to think.for now,it’s feels that I am neither here nor there.not in touch with the kitchen or the guiding world.and there were numerous times I wanted to put on my whites and get back into the GWP pastry kitchen.or maybe not hearing damei nag at me makes me feel uncomfortable.hahaha.

It had won over my heart gradually.but having spent at least 12 hours a day,6 days a week,for the past 6 months,how could it not? My crew like to joke that we spend more time with them than their families.And it’s true.Especially over that Christmas week.the reason why I will never forget Christmas 2011 and the week leading up to that for the rest of my life.

You can never go back to a “normal” life after spending 6 months inside a kitchen.the things that bothered you the most in the beginning are the things that you’ve grown used to as part of your life.like working on weekends and PHs.

the days and hours that I used to spend in the kitchen are now spent at home slacking. I feel so…unproductive! I wouldn’t mind going back to GWP and work there part time. Or any other(5-star)hotels is fine too. There is something about the pastry kitchen where once you go in, it’s hard to turn back. because, I can barely remember life before I entered GWP. And to try to get it all back again, is pretty darn hard. Jia Ching is right, this is still fun for me and I guess I still like this lifestyle. That cynical side to the kitchen will only come after a few years. All I know is that, I wanna go into a kitchen, fast! And go back into that 6 days a week/12 hours a day lifestyle. I understand the addiction now.

It took Rui Ting and I by surprise, our love for our respective kitchens[banquet&pastry]. Mainly cos it only hit us at full force AFTER we finished our internship. funny how life is, huh?

Okay, so, I got my wish. Applied for this part time job for the Singapore Airshow at my hotel from the 11th-19th feb. 6am-8pm[okay la, not that bad]. And interview with the banquet manager tmr.LOL.for me, its the case of “if I get in, good lor! If not, its okay.” Anw, shumin and nat will be out by then…so…the prospects of 7 days alone…scary. even if it is in a familiar hotel. another big question, should I drop by the pastry kitchen after the interview tmr?hahaha.surprise them, yet again.hehe.

Went out with shooli, valent, ah kai and ah rong. And the question on everybody’s mind is still is, “should we stay?” Which I will decide after Swiss.hahaha.

On the bright side, I FINALLY[yes, like after 4 dinners] got to treat my dear kitchen crew to a dinner. a dim sum dinner that is. HAHA. it was hilarious, we ordered soo much that they brought the food to our table faster than we could eat.HAHAHA. The table was soo full that damei and I took pictures of it.hehe. And thank god those pictures are still inside my camera. haha. it was like we didn’t know where to start eating,really. But I am really glad I had a chance to treat them, to show my gratitude and thanks for everything.

And I guessed I really missed the pastry crew. The moment I went back[with darren], it was like I never left.LOL. I brought in the stocks, made the strawberry shortcake cream mixture for jessica and hunted for the chocolate curls for shumin. haha.I also wanted to lighten their burden a little cos all of them are falling sick and I can’t be there to help[even those I wish I could]. And I also stayed and talked. something I couldn’t do when I was intern-ing there. My life had revolved around the kitchen so much that it got to the point where I am feeling aimless now. And when you spend fridays and the weekends inside the kitchen for the last 6 months, your “return to civilization” can be very hard cos you don’t know what to do with the weekends. And yes, I am craving the comforts of the kitchen now. Never though I said that,right?

My last dinner with my pastry crew ended on an appropriate note, with damei and I going home together. And we talked all the way from farrer park to newton. During that journey, I learnt things about her, as a person, that I never got a chance to learn before and via versa. And, that memory, of that night, will always remain precious. Speaking of which, LYNN WAS A CL IN YCK GUIDES! A fact I only got to learn LAST NIGHT! god, why didn’t she tell me that earlier?? that would have made my life easier knowing that there is a fellow guide inside the kitchen! A person who would understand my love for camping and outdoor cooking. Over dinner, we reminisced about digging a 2 by 2 grass patch, campfires and 3am night drills. HAHA. and after finding out the guides jargon from lynn, damei found out my “rank” in guiding and she was like ” wa! your post in guiding is soo high but how come you are like that inside the kitchen?” hehe. love takes a long time to cultivate, especially that kind of addicting love. nonethless, I had a great time[as always] with my dear pastry crew! and I miss you guys already! pictures will be up as soon as I get my laptop fixed!

But the strange thing is, I am not as happy as I though I would be. There is alot of…mixed emotions. The only thing that I am happy about is that I get to sleep in. And also not needing to run around for buffets anymore. Other than that, I will miss everything else. It haven’t hit me yet that I’ve left GWP, cos it still feels like I am on a long day off[when you have 3-4 days off in a stretch, that kinda feelings]. my mind knows it, but my heart haven’t registered it yet. 

I’ve kept it in for about 2 weeks, and I’ve finally gave everyone their letters yesterday. Jessica was shocked that I handwritten for each and everyone of them[I did about 15 in total]. However, I didn’t intend for it to be THAT long. It just came out. LMAO! and they were teasing me, saying that it is “qing shu”. In truth, I guess its a little, cos I wrote everything that I wanted to tell them there. Jessica was laughing when she was reading hers and damei was shocked by the length of hers[hehe.no surprise there, hers was the longest]. They were also teasing me, asking me the reason I wrote these letters were because I couldn’t sleep. However, I’ve achieved my goal of rendering them speechless for the first time! yay!

The only way I can describe leaving GWP is…shi bu de. very very shi bu de. I never expected it to be that bad either. Not having damei jumping down my throat everyday is gonna to be strange. Believe it or not, I am gonna to miss her nagging. And Jessica’s mee hoon kueh. I am also gonna to miss doing strawberry shortcake[though I can remember the pure agony of learning how to coat the bloody thing],Xiaodi’s singing, Lynn’s random stories,chern shen’s  ”Ahhh!!!!” in the chiller, Shumin’s, “Putri ah, you very cute hor” and singing along to the glee songs with Nat. And memories of “Gee” with damei and shumin and singing along to “Mr Simple” with nat and shumin at Jessica’s house until the rest of the crew turned back from the tv and looked at us.Not to forget learning hokkien from them, “hoe say liao!” and  Kin tam pok!” are among my favourites Among the trainees, we’ve learnt to communicate  with our eyes and its funny when they are wondering why we are laughing out of the blue. Then their favourite punch line, “You guys are talking bad about us,right? look at us then laugh”, will come. 

Yet, what hit me the most was what they say to me before they left the kitchen that day. Damei’s “I am anticipating the fine-dining dinner on Friday arh!”, Xiaodi’s “wishing you all the best in everything you do”, Jia ching’s asking me my plans for the future. And most of all, Jessica’s emotional look before she left the kitchen. Cos, I am as shi bu de as she is, but I don’t know how to express it out. So, I write. It will be hard, but I know that they will be fine after a week of getting used to not having me inside the kitchen. Besides, I will be back on Thursday! hehe. And I admit it, I wanna see their reactions when they finish reading their letters. 

I’ve learnt to appreciate people after dreams5, so, I did everything that I wanted to do for them that I wanted to do for the dreams team. After all, letting people know they are appreciated is a good thing  

so, thank you for everything, darren, yi ling, shumin,nat, damei, jia ching, jessica, chern shen, xiaodi, lynn, ah hao,chef alvin, brenda and chef joe. love you guys

And do me a favour, and get well soon, okay? Don’t make me worry to death. 

“There are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing their name pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless.”

—Sara Zarr

On days like today, I really dread the day that I leave the kitchen. Just when I get into the “groove”, it has to end. Being the literature student that I was, I am writing[not done with everyone's yet] long farewell letters and tell them everything that I wanna to tell them[so far, tons of thank yous.hahaha] and I think old chang kee in the morning and kbox at night?

It made me reflect on the first time I met them, all in different manners. And how far we’ve gone as friends and mentors. It took a pretty long time, but now, I can joke easily with chern shen, lynn, damei and xiaodi. Not to mention gambling with them at Jessica’s house where all forms of hierarchy breaks down and the car rides I’ve shared[mostly] in lynn’s car with shumin, nat and damei[where we fell asleep on all of them.LOL]. A long way from clamming up in July. Likewise, they can tease us easily[like lynn's "Putri, you are not the only one with a driver! I have one too!"] and on days where there isn’t much production, we can end up crapping too[it was about HK and which restaurants to eat at MBS with lynn and chern shen's " you know why the custard is soo smooth?" "cos you made it?" " wah! soo clever!" today]. Guess what? I am getting addicted to this kind of lifestyle. oh man, this, is bad. It sucks not to be in HK with my family, but, this isn’t so bad either.

okies, off to watch masterchef, shower then get started on chern shen’s letter. Hopefully I can finish Jessica’s and Chef Alvin’s tonight too. 

The past 4 days had been hell good, and I didn’t mind coming back today. Ever since the dinners[and we are gonna to have another one this friday], I’ve been alot more comfortable with them. Like, they tease me more these days[I hear the words, "my dear gong zhu" more often] and we can actually joke around. And I find it very strange that they treated me soo nice today[not used to it, you know]. From staying back with me till my brownie was baked[xiaodi,jia ching and natasha] to not nagging as much as she usually does[damei].What I am guessing is that all these are the calm before the storm[from next week onward] so we are taking this opportunity to do a little R&R. What I confirmed today was that they’ve been observing us as much as we’ve been observing them[LOL.no surprise there ] Like, we know when is their off days, and they know ours too[the first thing they asked when I came into the kitchen this morning was, "why are you here? I though you are off today?"]. Also, if we screw up badly, they go down with us too[actually, I kinda knew that one a looong time ago. guides instinct?]. Funny how damei knows that I am afraid of her[in my defense, used to, is the word] cos I was cutting my sponge cake for the strawberry shortcake. somehow, while cutting, I accidentally cut my finger and she was next to me doing some stuff. Like chef lynn, she said, “wah! I am nearby that’s why you were soo nervous till you cut your hand isit? what is there to be soo afraid of me?” It’s not so much of nervousness but more of the pressure I give myself whenever I am around her to do things to meet her standards. 

In guides, we used to play a little game among the leaders to see who among the kids have the potential to be CL and stuff. Basically, who will be able to survive. Turns out, its the same thing here. They are predicting who will stay in this line and who wouldn’t.

And what do you say to these seniors? Definitely a big “thank you” and truckloads of gratitude[jz in case they are reading this, seriously! no sarcasm]. However, I have alot of things to say to some people and for others, not soo much. LOL. also a case of who scolds and nags at me more often. Don’t worry, there will be rat poison inside HAHAHA. Looking back, I am closer to the people who nags at me more often. Yes, they will constantly nag but they will be also be the first one to help you do the things you need urgently[like my mini eclairs] and they wouldn’t go home till they know you are almost done[really obvious to me.hahaha]. I know it’s obligation, but I like to think that they care for us a little too.

off to bed! its 3:30am already!

For the past week, we went out for dinner TWICE! 1 on wed and 1 just now. And here’s what I took back. Having a camera rocks ass sometimes

my kitchen crew